Chaos Theory

Those of you who do not know me on a personal level won't be fully aware of my stigma, so for a moment, let me enlighten you.

Though I must admit I had not always behaved accordingly, I learned at a very early age what was right and what was wrong. As time wore on, I thought I was capable of distinguishing between the two. Then a funny thing happened: the things I had sequestered within the "bad" category began to sound more and more off limits. Eventually this was reflected in my personal habits and behavior. A once acceptable teenager might've been mistaken (on occasion) for an off-duty librarian. 

The problem with this behavior may not be immediately clear. One might say to themselves "What's wrong with that?" but unless you've lived it, you can't quite understand. What I can tell you is that to live life in fear of what might happen is no way to live at all. So what's the point I'm trying to make? Well, I think that there are many kinds of people in this world, but those who were cursed with my particular problem are in need of a solution and I believe I may have the answer:

A bad influence. The problem is that in the Angel v. Devil war that takes place on our shoulders, the Angel always wins. But the Angel doesn't always know what's best. Sometimes the best thing is to learn from your own mistakes, otherwise you end up living life consumed by your own irrational fears. So find someone who can talk you into something you might not like. Someone you can get a little dirty with. I've said it before and I'll say it again:

"Sometimes you just need a push in the wrong direction."

A little side note: while I was composing this blog, hanging at the coffee shop I currently work at, I noticed that I had drawn arrows all over the page. When I said "I have no idea why I like drawing arrows so much"; He retorted with "Because they know where they're going." Just thought that was kind of funny.

A little free time after breakfast

My neighbor is playing his/her music far too loud. I have no idea what it is. Whatever it is, it's got a lot of bass. So I started listening to my own music. Sometimes the most wonderful moments of life are the ones outlined by a good song. A driving guitar track can be the perfect frame for the picture of a winding road in the mountainous tropics of Maui. Sometimes the perfection lies within the lyrics that you hear when you're laying upon your bed, staring at the ceiling, seeking comfort from the music. I'm not seeking any kind of emotional comfort from anything but  I'm laying here soaking up the wisdom of these people.

Sprinkles...

Due to my own personal mindset (read: cluster-fuck), I've shifted my focus to some not-so-important things. With that said, I've put together another playlist. These are songs I'm listening to and enjoying right now:

1. "Dream" - Alice Smith. To me this song sounds like a sigh of relief. It makes me feel better when I'm feeling a little bored with life. First heard it on Entourage so I was pretty open to liking it, I guess.

2. "My Hero" - Paramore. This is a great cover of a great song (the original track was performed by The Foo Fighters). I think that when different people perform the same song, they have different feelings. The original track is tough and victorious. This new version is sweet and sentimental. Almost romantic. Love it.

3. "Call to Arms" - Angels & Airwaves. This band has grown on me a lot more since I saw them recently. They were a lot better than I expected. I chose this song because it inspires me. It's kind of like when you're running as fast and hard as you can and you can see the end. You're out of breath. Your body hurts. Despite how you're feeling, you push forward and run those last steps. That's how this song sounds to me. 

4. "I Don't Care" - Fall Out Boy. I've got to be honest here. I was listening to Fall Out Boy a long time before they were "Like, Omigod I totally love Fall Out Boy". Shortly after they got in with the MTV crowd, I got sick of them. I'm not saying that I'm too cool to like the pop music, but they just got very overplayed. I like this song because it's a little different than what they've been doing lately. Plus this lyric is sick: "Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same." 

5. "Rainy Day" - Plain White T's. Another sweet song by the Plain White T's. Surprise surprise. I know people have said that the Jonas Brothers (gag) are the new Beatles, but I honestly think the title should go to the PWT's. Just a thought...

6."Nine in The Afternoon" - Panic at The Disco. This is the kind of song you blast when you're in a good mood while you're on a drive with the windows down and well...I do a lot of driving. 

Fairy Tales and Sex Jokes

When I was a little girl I loved fairy tales. The flowery stories all unfolded in ways that made the characters' lives seem so wonderful. Of course Prince Charming would show up and rescue the damsel in distress! Cinderella would no longer have to clean up after her lazy family members. The Frog would turn into a man who conveniently is also royalty and would live happily ever after with the Princess. You get the point. Anyway, as I grew up these fairy tales which were often animated for my viewing pleasure eventually were replaced by something not far off: Romantic Comedies. Instead of Sleeping Beauty, there's Sleepless in Seattle. French Kiss instead of The Frog Prince. When you think about it, the similarities are astounding. 

If you boil all of the stories down to their bare bones, you really don't have anything left except for the makings of most any fairy tale classic. Boy meets Girl - Boy/Girl has a problem - Girl/Boy has solution - They fall in love - The End. I can't think of a single film that falls within this category that doesn't follow this formula. To be completely honest? It has gotten pretty boring. I can't even watch Sleepless in Seattle any more. 

Fortunately where there is a problem, there is a solution. The solution to my particular problem is the fleet of films that have been coming out more recently. The comedies that are as smart as they are funny while lacking completely in pretension. The movies that immediately leap to mind are The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. In my opinion, you could almost categorize any one of them as a Romantic Comedy without the gag-inducing Hallmark-memories Kodak-moment mental pictures that the other films I'd mentioned bring about. The thing about these movies is that the most important thing to the film is the comedy, not the romance. The things that spring to mind about any of these movies are not how cute a certain moment was or just how touching the end might have been, but the jokes that just don't seem to get old. The romance in these movies is so discrete that one might have to struggle just to remember the moments (I know I'm guilty of it, on occasion), but that makes it far more palatable. My point is that though some people may think that romance has died, it hasn't. It's just cleverly hidden.

"I don't think it's a gay drink"

As a barista, I sometimes fantasize about being a bartender. Being that I worked alone today, I had some time to reflect on that fantasy. To me, certain things are obvious. An Espresso might be considered the equivalent of a Scotch Neat. A Blended Mocha (don't forget the whipped cream and chocolate sauce) may be considered equal to the Pina Colada - not for the serious drinker. I think the most popular drink ordered is the Iced White Mocha. The drink I would liken it to on a real bar: the Mojito. 

Ostensibly the most trend-following cocktail any person can imbibe, the Mojito is an imported classic that is as delicious as it is refreshing. It seems to say "Sure I don't want to get wasted, but that doesn't mean I can't have a drink." I'm fairly sure that most anyone has or will have tried the Mojito at one point and this is where I believe it has common qualities to the Iced White Mocha. 

Most everyone that has purchased a coffee drink from a coffee shop has at some point tried a White Mocha and if they haven't, chances are they probably will. I have seen all sorts of people come in and order this drink and it is almost always over ice. Some may say that this is only due to the weather, but when was the last time you saw someone drinking a Mojito mid-blizzard? That's what I thought. Anyway, the reason I mention this is that today I served this coffee concoction to what I thought was the most unlikely buyer. A man who would scare the ever-loving out of me if I had met him in a dark alley. Soaring over head in biker gear with a deep raspy voice, he politely smiled and asked for a "Large Iced White Mocha with extra whipped cream, please." As I had been previously considering this subject, I asked myself as I mixed his drink:

 I wonder if he likes Mojitos?

Good things come to those who

Alright, I admit it... when it comes to some things, I'm just not a patient girl. Don't get me wrong, I'm good at waiting, that's not an issue for me. My whole life, I've been waiting for something. I don't mean that in the abstract "what does it all mean?" way that some people may. In this instance I just mean that at most points in my life I've been waiting for something, not just one thing in particular. But the thing is... when it comes to waiting for things that are important, I'm just no good. For example: school. I know it's going to take some time before I'm done and all of the doors to a palatable future will swing open. I just can't help but drag my feet and sigh. Now I'm sure that part of the reason I'm dragging my feet is that what I do when I finish school is sort of a giant question mark. Not just finding a job, but everything that goes with life after college. The things that I want don't seem to make sense together. 

Maybe I'm just rambling, here. Unfortunately this is just a sample of what is going on inside my head. There are a lot of other things...more life specific things, but I don't want to write some trite diatribe about how I'm feeling lost. I'm not. I know what I want. I just have to be patient because I can't grab it. I can't force it. I have to let it come in it's own time. 

Heaven and other things.

Do something you're afraid to do. Drive through road blocks (not real ones, that's dangerous). Be honest. You'll be surprised by how things change for the better, even if it seems like they've taken a turn for the worst. 

You may just get to Heaven. In my head, Heaven has a counter that looks like this: